EWE in Tampa, Florida, August 19th, 2005

Both guys look like they haven’t been wrestling for too long; in particular, Jeremiah appears to be greener than a leprechaun’s ass (to steal a phrase from a shoot interview), which sort of makes sense, as I hear Jeremiah was a bullfrog…

As you probably know, I saw the EWE debut show in Tampa last month; I was disheartened with the crappy ring and building they had the show in, and predictably, I made sure to make that clear in the report I did of the show. To my amazement some people still thought the show was “good”; don’t ask me to explain it, as “understanding other people” is certainly not my strongest ability… it’s certainly not as good as my ability of “driving people bonkers”.

But, this show is in a different building, and I’ve been told that the ring is fine now, so with the talent lineup that they have here on this card, it should be a show that I’ll enjoy.

Before the event, I happened to have some free time, so I stopped at the nearby International Plaza in Tampa. It’s a nice mall that has several upscale stores, along with some that are as rare around here as a good match in the career of Heidenreich… (like, for example, Fossil).

I arrived at the building, which was the building that held the wrestling school of Steve Keirn; it’s pretty much a warehouse, with garage doors and all that. It’s just another place with not a lot of room; sure, the ceiling was normal, so thus the ring could be constructed normally, so I have no complaints about the ring this time around; it’s just that once again I don’t care for the building. It used to hold a wrestling school, so I should’ve expected conditions that could be best described as “Spartan”, but note that the air conditioning consisted of two giant fans, and the bathrooms were a pair of portapotties! I don’t want to sound like a nitpicky prick that is never satisfied about anything, but the building was just not a good place to have a show; it felt as hot as the surface of the sun, and judging by the mediocre crowd reactions to most of the show, the heat did not just affect me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get into a show, as it didn’t feel like a typical Florida indy event. In fact, for various reasons, by the end of the show I was not in a cheery mood, but I’ll get to that in due time; I’m just saying that I’m STILL not feeling chipper as of this moment.

There were people milling about the entire time I was there, but I’ll guesstimate that there were about 60 or so people in attendance, including Osamu Nishimura (no kidding). Not in attendance were “those little kids” that were usually at NWA Florida events, and were at the debut EWE show. Some people were ecstatic that they were M.I.A.

The show started (about 20 minutes late) with an interview that was conducted with Buck Quartermain(e), and he mentioned that Roderick Strong was not there* Through various machinations, including Buck wanting The Market Crashers to face off against Steve and Kanyon, it was ordered by Commish Mike Sullivan that the match will be Steve and Kanyon vs. Buck Q. and his manager, Q2. Oh, and Jay Fury isn’t here; my reaction was “Awww, phooey”, only I used a stronger word than phooey.

*of course it wasn’t mentioned that he is currently in the Chicago-area, wrestling for IWA-MS. Then again, it was known for awhile that he was going to be wrestling for IWA-MS, and then I heard nothing about him not appearing for the main event of this show. Also, apparently the EWE event that was scheduled for Saturday was cancelled, even though I heard nothing saying, “Hey fans, our show on Saturday is not taking place”. I can sort of understand why EWE would still sort of think that Roderick could be around tonight; I mean, it’s the IWA, where no-shows are a common sight. But, I can’t fathom why this fed wouldn’t tell people that a show they had planned wasn’t going to take place after all.

1. Jacob & Jeremiah (w/ Uncle Grady) defeated James Hendrix-Scott Davis. Jacob’s team has a hillbilly team, so the first time I saw them the thoughts of Bushnell and my old hometown of Belvidere, Illinois came flooding into my mind. Both guys look like they haven’t been wrestling for too long; in particular, Jeremiah appears to be greener than a leprechaun’s ass (to steal a phrase from a shoot interview), which sort of makes sense, as I hear he was a bullfrog… anywho, this was an ok match. During the bout, some of the crowd chanted “biscuits and gravy” at the heels; funny shit. The rednecks won after James accidentally hit Scott; the white trash won with a double Russian legsweep (although of course Mr. Bullfrog didn’t hook his leg around Scott’s left leg… hopefully you can understand why I said he looked to be green). Afterwards Scott turned against Hendrix; that’s fine by me, as Davis does a real nice job of playing an old-school heel.

As someone else noted, Grady sort of looks like Phil Collins, so I half-expected him to bellow out in his nasally voice "In The Air Tonight" or "No Reply At All".

2. The Saint defeated Kahagas. This ended up being good, IMO, as the beginning of the bout was mat wrestling, and the finish was several exciting near-falls, including one that had to be about 2.95 on the “3 count scale”; yeah it was that close to being a 3. Oddly enough, during the bout Kahagas used his kendo stick across the Saint’s back, and yet the ref, the legendary Tiger Hattori, didn’t call for a DQ; is EWE paying tribute to old-school FIP by having this be an “Anything Goes” night? Eh, oh well, it didn’t hurt the match any.

3. Sedrick Strong defeated The Varsity Kid. In case you’re wondering “Who in the frick is The Varsity Kid?”, he is a wrestler that I saw compete once for the Sunray show I saw in October of last year, but between then and now I hadn’t heard from him at all, so I was quite flabbergasted to see him here. In terms of looks and attitude he was a cross between Kurt Angle and Eugene; during the bout Kid even did an anklelock. There was some comedy in the match, as Kid acted like he rode on the shortbus as a kid, and of course comments were made concerning Sedrick’s underwear-esque tights. This had its entertaining moments, and some odd ones too. During a headlock, Sedrick ended up bleeding from around his left eye; it must’ve come from Kid’s headgear (no, not orthodontist-like headgear; amateur wrestling headgear). Not too surprisingly Sedrick wasn’t a happy camper. Sedrick then cheated to win, and afterwards he just drilled poor Varsity with a dropkick to his back. It looked very hurty.

Believe it or not, intermission was taken here. It lasted from 15 to 20 minutes. They played hair metal-hard rock from the 80’s during this break, including KISS’s “Heaven’s on Fire” (I silently marked out with myself when I heard it), and then after that they started playing the best Metallica song (IMO), Fade to Black, but a few minutes into that it suddenly changed over into another tune; BOO! In another surprise, I out of nowhere see D-Lo Brown walk to the dressing room. He wasn’t announced for this show, so it was a pleasant surprise.

4. Chris Kanyon-Steve Madison fought Buck Q. and Q2 to a no-contest after The Market Crashers interfered. This bout wasn’t all that great, as Q2 refused to get into the ring until Madison was prone on the mat, and then when he did “wrestle”, I wished he was back on the apron. Hey, he just looked like a guy who hasn’t had any wrestling training before in his life. I was quite pleased when the Crashers came out to end this. Erick Stevens came out, and by order of Mr. Sullivan, this became a 6 man tag, and it was no DQ too.

5. Buck Q.-The Market Crashers defeated Steve Madison, Chris Kanyon, and Erick Stevens. This was the match of the night, and was pretty good overall. Part of the match was crazy brawling outside of the ring (including people being thrown into rows of chairs), and the rest of it was wrestled like a regular tag bout. It was a match better seen than described. Afterwards, for the next show, which is a week from Saturday, it’ll be Steve and Erick vs. the Crashers, and Kanyon vs. Buck Q.

D-Lo Brown came out wearing a Mr. Main Event shirt, and he was talking about how he had to be in the main event of this show (and yes, this event had only six matches). Out came Bruce Steele, talking about how Tampa is “his” town, and he mentioned how he saw D-Lo wrestle on “Summerslam 99”, I believe he said. He then mentioned seeing him wrestle “Naked Mideon”. Antonio Banks then came out and mentioned how he was supposed to wrestle Bruce, and brought up how D-Lo was “dressed like a genie” in his ill-fated “Low Down” tag team, and this ended up being a 3 way dance, first pinfall wins the contest.

6. Antonio Banks defeated Bruce Steele and D-Lo Brown. This started off good, and then simply became strange. Early on in the bout, Bruce was his usual entertaining self, telling D-Lo that he was really complimenting him on wrestling D-Lo and appearing at a Summerslam. Then, he said “This shit is bananas” before being armdragged; hey, I Sat On My Balls when I heard him say that. Things were going fine, and then things screeched to a halt faster than if I was in my car driving, and I suddenly saw Eliza Dushku at a bikini carwash. During all that, D-Lo went outside to get a drink and then pour it over his head, and Bruce Steele sat in the middle of the ring to play the game known as “Slaps” with referee Billy Dalton! On another night I might have enjoyed this more, but tonight… eh, no. BTW I felt bad for Billy, as he reffed tonight in black pants and a black polo shirt with the EWE logo on it. I’m sure he felt hotter than an SOB having to wear that outfit in a hot building with the extremely bright lights they used to illuminate the ring. In another BTW, a chair was used as a weapon during the course of this bout, and yet a DQ wasn’t called. Again with the “Anything Goes” stuff…

Afterward D-Lo got on the mic and said that he would give Antonio his “Mr. Main Event” shirt… so obviously he didn’t and instead walked to the back. Was he just talking metaphorically or what? Somehow, this seems like a fitting ending to this 2 hour and 5 minute show.

Look, I want to like EWE as much as everyone else, but to me the ticky-tacky stuff like “location of the building” and “how the ring is constructed” is just hampering my enjoyment of this fed. Hopefully their building in Temple Terrace is fine, as this “arena” was bad enough for me to wish it was back at the American Legion Hall instead.

Yes, I am sure some people won’t care too much for this review; I don’t look for everyone to like everything I write. I’ll just be satisfied if you can at least understand why I have these opinions, and act accordingly. Don’t get rankled just because I didn’t care for this, for example; I hope you can at least understand why I didn’t care for it. I am sure that if EWE can get a decent building with a decent ceiling, and have a few more warm bodies on the roster, that I’ll finally be able to sing the praises of this federation.

Afterward, I just didn’t feel all that great, and finally I just decided to get the frick out of Dodge, so I left in a flash without informing all the people I knew there that I was leaving. Yeah, that wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but I just had the feeling that I needed to get out of there, and really, I’m not sure if anyone even cared that I vanished like I was abducted by an alien.

My next post on here will be concerning the benefit wrestling show that is taking place in Orlando on Saturday night. I’m sure I’ll have some rather vivid things to say about any and all bad matches I see at that event.

Oh, and if you're reading this and there haven't been any comments posted yet, make sure to check it out a few times, since I'm sure I'll mention something in a post that I forgot to mention initially, due to fatigue-rush to get this done-whatever.